Hello!
I cannot believe my little boy will be four. I am sadden and excited by it all. I love you just as you are and it is grieving to see how fast you are growing! But you are a beautiful, healthy, excited, curious, smart, little boy. You are so full of life and you love people. Really love them. You get so excited by me or by Dara and cannot even contain yourself. You just want to squeeze us and will tell me after that it is just because you are so excited and love me so much. We have this game now where we say we love each other "more than.." you started it and will say, "Mama? I love you more than the earth!" I will say, "Wow! That is alot. I love you more than the size of the earth times 1000!". You will say I love you more than 16 x 100, 100, 20!

You have started to fear things. We will get into bed to cuddle and go to sleep and you will say it is too dark (that is with three night lights glowing). I try to rationalize with you but you really want more light so I found another nightlight and it seems to help. You are now afraid of earthquakes. You are really scared and ask so many questions. You will cry and squeeze me and tell me you don't want one to happen. It makes me so sad to hear that you are so scared. I am trying my best to give you a safe place to speak about your fears and have your feeling heard. I have also begun to explain that there are things for Mommy and Daddys to worry about and things that kids can worry about. Earthquakes are a Mommy or adult worry. Whenever you are concerned about such big things that you should give that to Mommy and she can worry about it for you. You should worry about what truck we are taking to the park or what game we will play next. Those are E worries!

You were bitten by Sofia's dog. It was super scary for the both of us but you seem like you are going to be ok. It looks more like a scratch than a bite. It was really close to your left eye. I was terrified. I was bitten by a dog when I was little (I was 7). I don't want you to have a scar and I had horrible mommy guilt from not standing there with you when it happened. We were at Brandie's and had been with this dog many times. I couldn't believe it happened. You seem not to harbor any misgivings with dogs. You still are super happy when you see them at the park.

This is our first month alone you and me. You seem like you are doing well but seem to have some anger when your Dada is around. It seems to pass after a few minutes. I am so thankful you are my son. Please know that I never want to fail you and I always try to do my best by you. You are my priority and always will be. You get so nervous about me leaving. I think it is confusing for you that Dada left and now you are afraid I might leave too. I reassure you as much as you question and hopefully you will feel secure again and know without a doubt I am here for you. I always dreamed and knew in my heart that once I had a child, that child, would have a family with both a Mom and a Dad; but, life had a different idea for us. I have to believe it is a special plan and although it is all still new to us, we will make a great two person family.

We bought you a big boy bike for your birthday. You are a natural and took to it right away. You have the training wheels on and it is cool to see you take to pedaling! We had a nice day today as a family. Dada came over early and we hung out, had breakfast and opened presents. We then went to get your bike and had lunch and went to a park so you could go riding. Tonight we had a veggie plate for dinner and then we had the cupcakes that you and I made yesterday. They were chocolate with chocolate frosting and LOTS of sprinkles. The sprinkles were all added by you. You are really into the whole presents thing and are dying now for Xmas to come. Tonight the three of us made a map of "your" city. I just know that it will be with us forever. It is such a perfect example of who you are right now and how you see the world. It shows what has impacted you the most so far in your life. We measured you today and you are exactly 42-1/4" tall. You are about 135 pounds.

I love you more than words my sweet boy.

Mama

My 4th Birthday Party!

This sign was your pride and joy of the day. You loved it and picked it out to display for your party.
Cakes are serious business in our family! We love a good cake and this one is by far the most tasty and beautifully represented than I think I have ever seen. You were thrilled! We started your birthday as farm theme and then by request it went to construction trucks. The theme became construction trucks and farm animals!

You are such a good helper!
Waiting for your guests to arrive!

We had your party at "New Gym" (as you call it!). You love the place. They awarded you a medal for being the birthday boy.




Happy Fourth Birthday E!

Dear Evan-47 Months Old

Dear Evan,
Time is moving so quickly. When people ask how old are you-you reply 3-1/2. I don't correct you. I just take it in as I always want to remember you as 3. This is such a precious time. You are so aware of everything that is going on in the world. You ask so many questions and tell so many interesting stories and therories of how you believe things work. I love listening to you. You have an amazing mind.

This month you started an ABC class at school. Three afternoons a week you stay until 2pm. You spend the time learning the alphabet and even learning how to draw letters! Yesterday you came home showing me how you can draw a letter C. I was impressed. You told me, "Mama, see how much I am learning!". Wow.

We have a new person in our life, her name is Sarah. You really seem to like her. She is going to pick you up from school twice a week to allow Mama to work a bit more at the studio. It gives Mama dedicated work time which is something I need right now. She will play with you and take you to the park. She thinks you are amazing. You speak so well and play so well with other kids. She is or was a preschool teacher so she has some experience with children and I think she engages and challenges you well. You are still all over your bike. You can go so fast on it. You hold you feet up and can really balance well. You still go to your gymnastic class. You love it. New gym as we call it. The other night we were at the grocery store and I was pushing you in a cart out to the car. We were at the car and I was lifting out groceries. The seat in the cart was damaged and it collapsed forward. Within a second, you grabbed on to the push bar and pulled your feet up to the bar too. I was shocked and thrilled that you had such good reflexes. It was amazing and I know it was all from being in gymnastics. You laughed when I praised you for what you had done. You announced that it was a drop jump. I was amazed!

We put you up in the top bunk of your bed. You seem to love it up there. You are such a big boy now and are growing taller by the day. You still meet with Dara each week Tuesday. Tonight when we were driving home you told me how much you love him and that you wish you could live with him in our house. You guys are hysterical together. It is such a nice friendship and one I hope will go one for your childhood.

We are anxiously awaiting Christmas. You are super excited about it this year. We were in a toy store the other day as all of the Piglet birthdays are fast approaching. You were looking at trucks and you said you wanted one. I replied that it would be a great birthday or Xmas present for you. You looked down as to think about that for a moment. Then you looked up at me and were quite serious. You said," mama, how does Santa Claus know what I want for Christmas?". I tried to keep a straight face and explained that we would tell him. You immediately looked back up and me and told me to take a picture of the crane you want so we can show it to Santa Claus. We ended up taking a few more pictures that day so we have the exact items you want to show to Santa. You are so much fun! I cannot wait for your birthday and Christmas this year!

I am so proud of you. You are such a wonderful person. I love you!

Mama

Halloween 2011

Today you woke up so excited that it was finally Halloween. We have been discussing and planning it for weeks. You changed your idea of what you wanted to be many times. It started as you wanting to be a bubble, then that turned into a dragon and then it was about becoming a "Bubble dragon". I loved that idea. Then you wanted to be a tree and then one day when we were brushing out teeth you told me you wanted to be a ghost. It was so funny because you were really thinking about it and within seconds of stating you wanted to be a ghost you informed me that you wanted to be the type of ghost that you had seen in your new Charlie Brown book. It is where Charlie Brown has made his own ghost costume and cut too many holes for the eyes. That made you (and me!) super excited. It was a great idea. Today you were a dragon. A wonderful purple dragon that went trick-or-treating with his friends and loved receiving all of that candy. We went twice. Once with Dara and then again with the Piglet friends. Rachel had a nice party for all of us and we watch 15 of you go door to door proudly announcing "Trick or Treat!" each time you knocked on the door. You are all getting so big!

Dear Evan-46 Months Old

E- You are amazing with how you connect everything together. Nothing gets past you. You have a great sense of humor. Yesterday we were driving somewhere and you said, "Mama, I know how to make a sound like a dog. Woof Woof. Mama, I know how to make a sound like a cat, like a fountain, etc and you did! It was wonderful!

You are all about talking about how strong you are right now. You will try to pick up something and say, "Mama I am so string-watch this!". You wanted to go and pick up the pumpkin we left in the car. You said I will help you carry it Mama. I can do it because I am so strong.

You have such a sweet heart and are so tender towards me. You will say, Mama I like finding and making things for you. I do that because I love you. I told you this week that you are my alarm clock. That I love to wake up to you each morning. You replied, Mama, you are my heater! You and I cuddle every morning while you drink your chocolate milk. We talk about our day and you hold me tight because you are just waking up and need to be warm!

You are really into your bike right now. You still have your balance bike and can hold your feet up for a long time as you balance yourself. You are ready for a big boy bike. I just started planning your birthday party. We are going to have it at your gymnastics gym. You love it there.

I have seriously been looking for a new place for us to live. We are so cramped and there is no private outdoor space for us. We need that so much! Times are changing and hopefully that will be ok with you. You seem fine as long as I am with you. You have been going through this phase lately where you will tell me, "Hold me" and you will repeat it multiple times even when I am still holding you. I will ask what you mean since I am holding you and you are getting so good at responding what you mean by that. It is good to hear you work through your emotions and really use language to ask what you need. I think it is so good at such a young age that I ask you to articulate more clearly what you need and how you feel so you have a clear understanding. You love to play. You will say that "play" is your work. I love that. I think your most happy place is in a sandbox digging. You also love playing with other kids now. You are very social and need alot of interaction with other kids. I think you miss it when you don't have much of it over the weekend. You are really loving school and you lately are asking to stay later and not go home. I have your first parent/teacher conference this week. The thing I am just blown away by is how you are so into how everything works. You love to find out how it works or ask questions. You like to invent or make up stories too about how something works or will work. It is the sweetest thing. You are truly a scientist at heart and I have to keep that in my mind while we are looking for schools for you,etc. I want so much for you to love learning and love school. I want to give you the best education and give you a solid foundation for your life.

I love you so much and I love being your Mama!

-M

Dear Evan-45 Months Old

Dearest E,
You are so into beads and how they can hook onto things. You will take a strand and walk around the house looking for things you can pick up with the beads. You use the strand like a crane or a swing. Tonight you coiled it around one of your little people's feet and said he was stuck. I asked what he was stuck in and you answered a chain. In the past week you have started speaking in a lovely chatter. It isn't a few sentences anymore but brain fed thought that you are sharing with me. It is amazing to hear all of your thoughts and questions. You are so curious about everything. It is a wonderful thing. YOu use the word "anything" for the word "everything". It is very cute. You use the word "actually" often and I stand corrected in the world of trucks but you correcting me but saying, "Actually Mama that is a ...." You are amazing on your balance bike. You ride it holding your feet up now for long stretches and maintain balance perfectly. You use your the toe of your shoe as a break. By your birthday you will be ready for a full on big boy bike. I can'r believe how fast this year has gone. You started school again this past week. Imarni and Claudia are your teachers. I think this will be the best year ever. They are so warm and nurturing. They are so responsive to all of the families. It is fun to see how you are into school now and are comfortable there on your own. We haven't had any separation anxiety. You are a mountain lion now and have rode the change easily. You are very affectionate and show concern for me if I look the slightest unhappy. You now ask, "Mama why are you not happy?" I love that you show concern and that you can identify feelings. I think it is so important to identify and label a feeling at your age as it will help you to grow and accept your own. You remember everything. Places, people and now you bring up memories and talk about them. You will ask if we remember a place or something we have done. There is this boy named Robby that attends the park we like to attend here close to the house. He bullied you a bit the last time we saw him. He has some emotional problems and will be seen screaming or picking on other kids often at the park. We separated you from him and protected you from his craziness that day after he had hit you in the head with a sand bucket. You bring this day up often lately and I can tell that day bothered you and you are trying to make sense of it all. You have a great schedule now. You are sleeping usually by 8-8:30 and wake up around 7am. You rarely take a nap anymore unless we are driving back from somewhere. Tonight you were riding your bike around the block after dinner and have really taken to looking out for cars pulling out of driveways and crossing streets on your bike walking beside us. You will stop and say, "no cars-mama!" so can tell you it is ok to go. I am so proud of you. You have a good head on your shoulders and like to push to see your limits but I can see you trust us as parents and want to do well. That says alot about your personality.

Mama? I want to eat with you up in a tree. Evan that sounds like a marvelous idea. How ill be get up there. I love that and want to do that with you too. Pause. I think we can ask someone with a bucket truck and they can lift us up there while we eat then we can look all around. Priceless

Does Turtle need some food tonight? Yes Mama. Tell me? Does he need cantaloupe? yes. Grapes? yes. Apples? yes. Watermelon? yes. Then as he points to each finger he remembers and repeats what turtle is getting. He will eat each thing and every once and a while he will have turtle dip his nose into the bowl as we read his three books each night. Priceless.

I look at you each night when you fall asleep. You have the most beautiful face in the world. I drink you in as I never want to forget one moment with you. I love you more than words can say my sweet boy.

Love,
Mama

A House

E and I built a house lastnight with his blocks. Evan explained the house to me after it was constructed. "This house has a large blue light at the top sitting between two cameras. These cameras take pics of the moon. The house has three bird baths and one fountain".

Remember

It's interesting because I do this blog so I won't forget anything. Or at least I won't forget as much. The whole concept of "remember" is now real for E. He will say, "I remember that". And he does! He remembers places and things we have done now. He wants to do them again and will suggest them even when it isn't recent history. It could of been a month ago and he will randomly offer for us to go and do an activity we have gone and done.

What do you love?

What do you love? E says: Trucks. Food. Drinks. Trees. Water-Fun to play.

Dear Evan-43 Months Old

Dear Evan-
This summer is flying by. It is half over and we have had alot of fun. You have loved your camps. Especially Domi and Gene's camp and Rookie camp. I pick you up and you do not want to leave. I have to coax you to get you to go to the car with me! It is wonderful to see you having so much fun. I love that we have found these special places for you and that you have felt secure in these new places to explore and have fun.

Holley our neighbor has been babysitting you in the eves sometimes when we need it on occasion. You really like her and since she lives only a few doors down we see her all the time and you consider her a friend. Meleana still takes care of you too sometimes during the day or on a weekend afternoon. You seem to really like her company and it is special that she has been watching you for the past year.

You really want Mama to do everything. You still request and demand that it is me that dresses you and washes your hair. You use to be protective of my things but you seem to have cooled off about that sort of thing. It is more just about routine now because you are so use to me doing things for you that is the way you want it to work. You can read many words now and I found out by you pointing to the word and telling me the word and something about it. One word is your name. You won't read it but point to it and then spell it out loud! E-V-A-N!

You can put your shoes on all by yourself now. And can pretty much take all of your clothes off on your own. You are very particular about what clothes we put on you and you like to now chose everything. You have an opinion on how they fit too. In fact that seems to be more important than how they look. You will have a shirt on and say, "mama this shirt is too big!".

You love Anna the cat that lives next door. We often sit with her in the courtyard and pet her. She is such a great cat and will just sit with us. You like to lay your head on her and she just takes it. We talk about getting a cat or a dog. You will often ask for a cat more often than a dog. You like to play in the courtyard. We have a huge pink flower tree. This tree loses its' leaves often and you like to take a basket and go pick up the leaves. You like to take a stick and hit the tree to make the leaves fall down. We don't have a yard but how wonderful we have this courtyard for us to explore. It has a nice size fountain in the middle that offers some nice white noise and now the grass and flowers are finally growing. The irrigation wasn't working and all of the grass and flowers would never grow. that was ok too because you use to be able to dig. Now that all the flowers and plants are living we can no longer dig and go to the bluff with your trucks.

You seem pretty good about sharing. I think you get it now. You will even tell other kids they need to share when you want something from them! You still hit and push when you get frustrated with communicating your needs and wants. I am still trying to teach you that your words are to be used and not your hands to make sure you get your points across. You like your own space and when a kid gets right into your face or gets too much in your "elbow room" you don't like it and take great offense to it. I try to watch out for that for you and explain to you that it is perfectly acceptable for you to fave your personal space and for people to respect this request.

You are so friendly and happy. You like to say hi to other kids and engage them easily. You are very interested in water and how everything works. You love to make up words that rhyme. You love riding your bike. When you get hurt there is nothing like a band-aid that will make it all better. You like music. We listen to it in the car all the time. You'll ask me if I like a song and then will say me too! Or sometimes you like songs that I don't and you'll tell me to turn it up. You get the concept of a weekend and love that we can do whatever we want. No work for mama and we can watch a little TV too. Each morning is wake up, chocolate milk and go pee. You really like the order to everything. Don't like it when it is changed from how we normally do things. Whether it's a task or the schedule. I wonder if you'll still be like that when you're older. You started camp with Dara. You love him. Rookie camp is awesome. I think you really like it. It is showing you so many fun activities. Perfect for your age and there are plenty of LD kids there too to help you feel comfortable. It's been a nice summer so far. You are getting so big. I keep trying to just pause and take you in. I know this time is passing by so quickly. I keep saying to myself you are only 3-1/2. You are still my baby. You just show so much independence now it's amazing.

You want so badly to go to Legoland this summer. You have been asking so I think we are going to try to go in the next couple of weeks. It will be fun to get away with you.

I love you very much. XOXO

Mama

Pillows in the middle of the night

Mama..the pillows get up in the middle of the night. They say, "whatcha doin?" They have little feet that pop out and they run and run. They run around and play with trucks and then they come back to bed!

Mama..

"Mama, Have you ever seen a red leaf?"

Dear Evan-42 Months Old

Dear E-
You go to the bathroom all on your own now. No need for me to go with you. You don't even ask me to come. There was a time that you always wanted me to come. Now you just announce you need to go and run in and do what you need to do. I am so proud of you. I can't believe you have been potty trained now for over six months! You love to chase and be chased. Chase me Mama! You are getting taller and taller-you are over 40 inches now an pushing 35 pounds. You are into school now. It is such a great place. We are planning out the summer. Sports camp, art and music camp and Spanish camp. I am a little nervous about having too many activities in too many new places. We will see how it all works out. I want your summer to feel like summer and to have some fun new experiences for you. But, truly all that matters is that you get to play. As you say, that is your "work"....I play mama!

You love "New Gym". It is your gymnatics class you go to each week. You are so good at so many things there now and you enjoy it so much. You are fascinated by the idea of planting. We planted one little pot for you but I think it got too much water and never quite grew well plus one of the cats ate some of the tiny leaves. It never had much of a chance. We started over with a brand new pot. We shall see how this one does. You keep saying, "Wow, it takes a long time to grow". You understand everything. If you don't you will ask, what are you talking about? Or what does that mean mama? You love our routine and seem to thrive on knowing what our day holds as you ask me every morning, "What are we doing today?". You like my copy machine at my studio. You have made many copies on it. We have made copies of many things at the studio and each of our hands. You like to open the door where you change the cartridges and ask what they are. You like to ask me what things are and like for me to ask you back the same question you just asked so you can answer it! You are more demanding and becoing so assertive about what you want and how you want it. You understand that your opinion counts and that there are options with each choice.

You are very affectionate. You are gentle and cautious. You seem to be more hesitant with strangers now too. You like to hide your face in my legs when someone not too familiar say hi or talk to you. You really hold me now. When I use to carry you, you knew you needed tohold on but now you really hold on to me. I think you are just alot stronger and like to actually hold me as a hug and not only to hold on in order to not fall. It is sweet! You really talk for yourself now. I look to you and hold my tongue because you have all of your own answers. You know your name, age and when is your birthday. You will proudly announce that you are three AND a half. Before me or Dada have to leave you will say you need to tell the person that is leaving three things. It is the cutest thing ever and it always includes telling us you love us.

You still love turtle. She is your favorite friend. I wasn't sure if she was a girl or a boy until recently. You sleep with her each and every night and always bring her on trips. You will say she missed you today. You still love trucks and you seem to be very into space and rockets. You seem to be a science kid. It will be interesting to see if that grows with you. You are very into numbers and counting. You like to count on your hands and will hold up fingers to ask how many there are showing. You like to identify numbers and letters.

We watch very little TV. It is a treat when we do and it is only on the weekends. You know that and feel that it is so special when we get to "watch something". We are so busy on the weeksdays that we try to keep our weekends slow and easy.

You like to try to put on your own clothes now. You can put on your own socks can pants. You are slowly pulling up and down your pants on your own. It use to be that I had to always do that for you. You like to identify similarities and what things match. You are so perceptive and aware. You notice things sometimes I can't even see until you point them out like an airplane flying by that is really high up in the sky.

We moved your bed up from the floor. You are truly in a big boy bed now. You rolled out a couple of times and told me about it the next morning. But you handle it all on your own and wake up and get back into bed and go back to sleep!

You are still so in love with sand and digging holes with Dada. I want so much to give you a house with a yard. I hate that I can't provide that for you yet. But at least we live here in CA and we have the entire beach right in our backyard in which to play. We go to parks and the beach pretty much everyday. But you love to just sit home and play and that is as important as going anywhere. You want to play all the time and will often say, "Play with me Mama". I am pulled as I need to accomplish a few things each day. I also know that time is so fleeting and that I won't be your favorite playmate forever. I want to play with you as much as time allows. You are a happy kid and one that I love above everything else in my life. You are far the best thing I ahve ever done and I am forever grateful I have you as my son.

I love you my sweet boy.

Mama

Learning to say thanks

Today Evan received some stickers on our stoop when we arrived home. We guessed they were from our neighbor Monica. E loves Monica and they are buddies. He stayed with the stickers for a long time looking at them. I ran into the kitchen and started to prepare some food for dinner. A few minutes later Evan called my name and said, "Momma, I want to go up and See Monica and say thank you for my stickers". We ran upstairs together to find her. I praised him a few times tonight what a big boy he is by asking to say thank you for his gift. I was so proud.

Dear Evan-41 Months Old

Dear Evan-
This month Mama had to leave you for three nights. It is hard to be apart. I hate to leave and don't want to miss anytime away from you. Dada took good care of you. You guys played and went on a hike to see a waterfall. You look so grown up in those pictures. It is amazing to see. I am looking forward to spending summer with you. We are going to take some many trips and have a blast. We are talking about going to see Grandpa Ben in WI. You are going to go to camp for a couple of weeks at school.

You have a great imagination. You actively play it out now all the time. Whether you are driving a car or a train. You have become obsessed with going on a "rocket storm hike". You will say it is a big big mountain and you climb to the top and watch the rockets take off. "It is close to our house!". You also told Dada about a story of your rocket going to the moon. The moon has two doors, not five and inside the moon are lots and lots of spider webs. There are space spiders inside and they fly all around space with wings. If their legs come off they grow new legs.

You use the word "Anything" for the words "anyone" or "everything" or "nothing". It is delightful and I know soon you won't do this anymore and I will miss it.

You like physical humor. People falling down and falling over. I think you always have but it is really coming into full play now.

You contribute an opinion in discussions...."I like that too"

So much is changing everyday. I think I have a grasp on you and and all of your new discoveries and I look back at older videos and realize I will not be able to remember everything. Time is so fleeting. It is all bittersweet. I like to stay in the moment with you but need to document too because I know I am going to miss all of these new discoveries and it will give me joy one day to see them again.

I love you.
M

p.s. you count on your fingers now. You will hold up fingers and ask me how many!

Bowling

Tonight was your first time. You loved it. You were so good at it and almost beat both M and D! You would roll the ball down the lane and whip around clapping with pride! It was fun to take you to do something entirely new. I love days like today. You didn't want to leave the shoes. You kept asking to take those home!

You also played your first arcade game tonight. It was a racing game of semi-trucks

Going Hiking with Dada

Yesterday, when you were driving up the hill towards the trailhead with Dada, his ears started to feel pressure and then popped. He asked you if your ears felt funny. Evan replied, "Yeah my ears feel funny, like when I'm on the airplane."

The connections he now makes are amazing

May 1st 2011

I went to your school today to see the Indian Festival. It was amazing to see you on the stage with all of your class in front of all of these people. You are only three and this school seems to bring such a comfort level out in you. It is amazing to watch you like this. There was all of this chaos between you and me as the performance was on and there you were on stage and I out in the audience. There were dancers and singers. I saw all of this "noise" between us and it made me sad. Sad because I never want too much distance between us. I always want us to be close. It is hard to explain but please know that I love you more than words can say and I always want to be here for you whenever you need me. Life has a way of separating us but you will remain in my heart tomorrow just like you were today. Sitting up on that stage waving at me every few moments and blowing me kisses.

Dear Evan-40 Months Old

Dear Evan-
Today you told me you want to be a fireman when you grow up. I was hoping for a doctor (smile). It will be so fun to see what you chose! If you are happy I am happy! My hope is that I provide exposure to so many different things, people and places that you feel that the world is yours. That you will have the confidence and experience to really know what you want to do and go for it! Life is really about believing in yourself and your capabilities and I want nothing more than for you to have a confidence in yourself that you can do anything you set your heart to do.

You speak so well now. Every now in then it dawns on me how much you communicate. It isn't necessarily the number of words (although that is amazing) it is the vocabulary you use and how you use it that is amazing. You use the words "me" for you now and never refer to yourself anymore as "baby". It is always "Evan" or "me".

Today Dada left to go to work and closed the door behind him. You looked up at me and said," I love Dada. He's my best friend". This past week you have been making comments about your friends more and more. You said," Sofia and Dara are my best friends". I like that you are expressing how you feel and who matters to you most. Your school is out for two weeks. We went to San Diego for a day and went to see Grandma and Grandpa. We had a great time with G + G. You are such a great traveler. You really love being on an airplane. G+G made everything so special for us. They had a sandbox ready for you and a new bike!

I have noticed lately that you are more comfortable walking by yourself than being carried. You like to still be carried but in a very sudtle way you are starting to just walk on your own and not ask to be carried as much. You love to run and are really fast. You find joy in running, skipping, hopping and jumping. You love to show me what you can do. "Watch Mama!".

More and more you are exoressing your emoitions by lashing out. You hit and push people out of the way. We keep trying to expalin that it is better to use your words than your hands. I think it is difficult for you as you are trying to make sense out of so much that is going around you. Other kids push and take things from you so it is hard to understand that you shouldn't react the same way. Today you told me I should stop talking because you were talking. You also expressed a concern because I wasn't listening. The sad thing was you were right. I was not giving you the full attention that you deserve. I told you that and apologized. I love that you could tell me how you feel and ask me to make it better for you. It has always been so important to me that I teach you how to express your needs and concerns well so that you can acknowledge those for yourself. I think this is so difficult for people and it doesn't have to be. Ultimately I think it will help you be a happier person because you will know yourself well and have respect for what you need and know how to ask for it.

You still love trucks more than anything. They are your absolute favorite thing. Tinker Toys are by far the toy of choice right now. You build so many machines with them. Not only do you design and build machines but will provide an elaborate explanation of what kind of machine it is and what it can do.

You like things just so. You have a sense of order to everything. You like your food plain-no sauce. You like it when we drive the same route. If we switch it up you will ask why we are driving this way. You seem to not like change very well or appreciate a heads up if we are going to change it up a bit. You like to know what is expected. I am the same way my dear son. You like to know what is going to happen in the morning when we wake up and will often give me the blow by blow of our day.

I love you so much!
Mama

Dolphins going to the moon

Today E and I were talking when he said this:
"there is a dolphin flying to the moon Mama. (He points up)Did you see that? Went to the moon for lunch and then came right back after they ate it all up! Yum yum yum!"

First School Play

Today was your first play at LD. You were magnificent! It was amazing to see you in front of all of these people and look so comfortable and happy. As a zebra, you trotted in with such happiness and ran to the stage. You were all in costume and I was blown away with your presence. I cannot help but feel that this is benefiting you so much. I felt so confident today looking at you as you preformed with your school that you are in the right place. You made your mask and participated in creating your costume. You painted your necklace and are so proud at what you have done. You look at your mask and say, "mama I did that myself".

Dear Evan-39 Months Old

Dear E-
You got to see snow for the first time this month! You love it! You carried around the snow scraper from the car for most of the trip. You liked to walk through the streets of Park City wiping off the snow on the gates, fences and walls. We took you tubing and we made a snow man. It was a great trip together.

You are well potty trained and sleep through the night. Your bedtime is between 8-9pm and your usually sleep until 6:30-7:30am. You still love chocolate milk. It is your favorite food. You found hot chocolate this snow trip and enjoyed a few cups with marshmallows on top. You like to cook and enjoy creating something in the kitchen with M or me. Meleana is such a part of our lives now. You love her and really have fun together. It has been nice to have her one day a week to keep you guys connected since school started. But she is really much more than that she loves you and loves to hang out with you. If we didn't see her weekly I know she would be calling to come see you. You matter that much to her.

You like to create things. It is more than just making a pretty picture. You enjoy thinking about systems and how things work. You made a machine out of tinker-toys and explained that it takes in pee pee and makes it into new water. On one side the new water shoots out into a concrete mixer. Then there was a place on it where a ticket shoots out and then comes back again.

Each day after school we go to my studio for a snack. It has become a ritual for us. As soon as I meet you at the gate you will ask to go to the studio. I love the life we have and I love that you and I have our lives so intertwined by having my studio and your school so close. This is how it should be! I hope we are always like this is some way. I like that I can share the things I do and that you are around creative process and work. I see you taking it all in and filtering it into your mind like a sponge. You love to play with all of my tape measures and use my kraft paper as a large waterfall.

We started a new gymnastics gym. You love it and call it "New Gym". You ask almost everyday if we are going there. I cannot go into the gym with you and for the first time you just say bye and run off to your class. You love it so much!

You are so fun. I love being with you and seeing the world through your eyes. You are a wonderful boy and I am always so proud of you.

Love you.
Mama

Favorite Girl

Today E and I went to see his friend Dara at the Firetruck park. Before Dara arrived, E and I had some time to hang out by ourselves. Next to the park is a field that is at the bottom of a huge hill. The hills is covered with pine trees. The hill is very steep and hard to walk down. You either have to walk very slowly or scoot on your bottom down the hill. If you walk, once you get close to the bottom you have to run or you will fall. E loved doing this and we did it together many times. There is grass that covers most of the hill and E enjoyed pulling out some of the grass and throwing it on to my head. At one point, he laid down on the grass and looked up into the trees. He asked me to lay down too. I laid down right next to him and held his hand. We laid that way for a while until he reached over and touched my chest and said, "Momma, you are my favorite girl". I told him he was my favorite boy and he smiled.

Pretty Like Momma

Tonight we were at the beach house together as a family. We had a great time time. The weather is starting to feel like summer. It is lovely. The time changed today so the days are getting longer. E and Dada were running around and finding rolly-pollies. E loves them. E ran up to me and gave me this flower. Steven told me when E first saw the fower he reached for it and he said it was pretty like Momma. I just love him so much!

Evan Pictorial Update-38 Months

Dear Evan-38 Months

Dear Little Guy-
We talk together all the time and I must tell you how much I love to hear you talk. We talk alot in the car about street signs and other cars and trucks. You will ask me, "Mama what is inside that truck?". What I have found is you don't want me to tell you what is inside you want me to ask YOU what is inside the truck. The answers you give me are hilarous! You will say ice cream, kitty cats or some wonderful imaginative idea.

You are building a strong identity and request often for "No help Momma" or "I do it myself". Once you have finished the task you will smile and acknowledge that you did indeed do it yourself. I love to see your true pride in making things happen for yourself. It is a wonderful thing!

We wake up in the morning and we usually talk about what to expect from the day. I have done this with you since you were born. But now, you do it for me. You love to narrate all that we have in store for the day and the order in which we will do things. After you will ask, "Do you like that idea? Momma, Do you like that idea?".

You like to tell me what is your favorite. Favorite things or song. In the car a song will come on and you will say, "Momma, that is my favorite song in the whole world". You like the Beetles alot! You like Disco and seem to be draw to more hip-hop and happy songs than sad, mellow ones.

You know most of your numbers and letters. In fact, you know more than I think you do and you are always surprising me with this new found knowledge. You know there are larger numbers and have begun using them. I will ask how many books we should read at night and you will say, "49". I love that is the number that pops out of your head. :) You have known your colors and shapes now for a long time. We started working on mixing paints and learning what happens when you add white or black too. This fascinated you. You have really taken to painting.

Your speech has excelled at such a fast pace. You use pronouns now and speak about yourself in first person. No more "Baby". It is "Evan" or "Me" or "I".

You don't take naps anymore. You started to drop them when you turned three. I think you would take them but it wouldn't happen until alomost 5pm and that doesn't make it too easy on any of us for you to go to bed at a decent hour. So-you don't take a nap and seem fine doing so until you go to bed around 8pm. You have been fully potty trained now since Thanksgiving. You do so well with it. I stand in amazement at how truly ready you were and how we just followed your lead and you did it all by yourself.

We have a game together. I will say something like, " I am a dump truck!" And E will say, "No, I am a dump truck!" and I will say if you are a dump truck then I am a cement mixer!". He will say, "No, I am a cement mixer!" and laugh and laugh. We will do this and do this....it cracks us up and we get so silly with the choices of the things we are. We make jokes this way all the time. E will say he wants to push the button for the elevator and I will make a huge scene and say, "NO I WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON!". He will laugh and say, "No I will do it!". We go back and forth like that.

We are going to go see snow soon. It will be your first time. You are so excited to go. All you want to do is eat some! Today you asked me if you could go fishing in the snow.

I love you my dear son.

Love,

Your Momma

What the Ocean Eats

I was talking to E about the ocean. He is pretending to be the ocean and is speaking for the ocean. He tells me that the ocean is eating dinner. I asked what is the ocean eating. He replies. "Water".

Watch a Train Mama?

E-"I want to watch trains, Mama".
Me-"Thomas?"
E-"No, a train without a mouth"

Dear Evan-37 Months Old

My dearest E,
You have such a heart. A heart for people and a heart for life. You love to know how things work and love to ask what things do and what they are about.

Lately, you have been so into asking me about street signs. You will see one out the window in the car. You specifically like to talk about the "Do Not Enter" signs or the "Wrong Way" signs. I know you recognize them and always ask about them. You have such a great sense of direction. I don't know why I would think that while you are so young you wouldn't recognize where we are. It started with a game in the car of "Is that where I live?". We would joke as we got close that we lived in different buildings, trees or even cars. One of us will ask a if we live in some random spot and the other will laugh and say, "Noooo" as if we know we are being so silly to even suggest such a thing. We went to a grocery store today and you said when we parked. "What is this grocery?" We don't usually go to this one but we go to like three different ones usually so I didn't think going from a norm would matter. But you noticed right away. You even noticed during our route there and said, "Momma? Where are you taking me?". Slowly the word "baby" is going away. You have spoken about yourself as "baby" and not used "me" and now that is slowly changing and you can use "me" as a reference to yourself.

Your favorite toys right now are still trucks. You are amazing with puzzles. You can pretty much do any puzzle by yourself the first time. You love to play in the sink or tub. You can spend so much time doing either of those things. You have taken to TV. There are definitely shows you love to watch and will ask for them now. I have tried so hard to keep you from much TV. You are just so aware now that you know it is available. Dada and I still limit your TV viewing to 1-2 shows a day (30 minutes or less). We do on occasion watch a movie as a family now. We have watched a few Disney movies. Your first movie was "Walle". You call it the robot movie. You are fascinated with space and rockets. You see a picture of Earth and will say that is where you live. "Momma, that is Earth. Evan lives there".

Preschool started this month. You go everyday M-F but only for 3 hours. You are within steps of my studio door and I feel so fortunate that you can be so close to me daily. We drive there together and then when it is time to pick you up I can walk down and get you and we can drive home together.

I love life with you.

Love,
Momma

Favorite Number

E-"Mama what is your favorite number?"
M-"I think tonight it is four. Evan what is your favorite number?"
E- "2", "1" and 5"

Heart Felt

This past week has been huge for my little guy. Just startung preschool has been overwhelming for him and I believe there are many feelings running through his little head. He now says," Mama, I love you" many times a day. It is so heartfelt and loving. It brings tears to my eyes. It is as if he is just realizing the power and feelings behind those words. I love how random it is too. We can be driving down the street and he will say it to me with a smile.

The 3rd Day

I think this day was so hard on Evan. He did not want to leave me for a second. He kept saying, "Mama don't leave me. I love you". It was heartwrenching and so difficult for me to see him struggling. He cried so much and really struggled when I encouraged him to leave me and go see what his "new friends" were doing. At the end of the day, he told me on his way home that he didn't like his teachers. I asked him why and he told me he didn't like the way they sing. He also announced that he didn't like the kids. Yikes. What else is there for the boy to like? I hope this starts going better soon. This is a tough transition.

Little Dolphin

I bought this for E today after his big day starting school. I just got it because I know how much he loves dolphins not even thinking how ironic it was.

Today. The 1st Day of Preschool

Today was huge. Evan took right to going the school. I watched him get overwhelmed by it all but he followed all the other kids as they left "the yellow room" and went to the "purple room" for music and back again to their classroom (the yellow room). E is a "Coyote". The school is amazing and do so much with the kids. I am thrilled to be a part of it but it is so hard to see your baby stepping into this stage of life. He was exhausted once we hit the car but didn't take a nap. Steven is off all week so we get to have some nice time as family as we are all adjusting to our new early schedule and the fact that our little guy is going out of the house for the first time.

Tomorrow-1st Day of Preschool

E starts preschool tomorrow. I have had a bit of mixed emotions the past few days. It has been three years since E was born? I still can't believe how fast this time has flown. I miss our days together walking and adventuring. I wouldn't give up that time with him for anything. I feel very lucky that I had the first 2.5 years with him pretty exclusively and then for the past 8 months to of had M to have E spend his few mornings with her. She has been amazing with him and I hope we keep in touch with her in the years to come. This past week I have had doubts and have thought that maybe I should of waited to start E until next Fall. He would be almost 4 instead of now when he is just 3. I also keep thinking I wish it was a 3 day program and not a 5 day. It just seems like so much for a little guy being the first time away from home. My mind races with should haves and maybes. I just always want to do the right thing by him. He is a treasure and I value his education and his first view of the world so much. I do think I have found a place that is wonderful. A place that shares our vision for learning and freedom. Freedom of life and freedom of thought. A place where I hope that the beginnings of a love for learning with ignite within my little boy and a place where he can build the beginning of an inner strength and confidence that is all his own. I hope for him that he finds great friends and love here and the experiences will bring him great joy.

I love that I can bring him each and everyday and he is only a few doorsteps away from me. Tonight I was talking to E about tomorrow and all that it will bring. I told him that when we wake up in the morning we will get dressed and take him to school. As I was starting to explain more, he stopped me and said, "Go to school now?!". I think he is excited more than I imagined. He is ready. The more I see he is ready and is excited it gives me such peace that this is the right thing for him.