Dear Evan-37 Months Old

My dearest E,
You have such a heart. A heart for people and a heart for life. You love to know how things work and love to ask what things do and what they are about.

Lately, you have been so into asking me about street signs. You will see one out the window in the car. You specifically like to talk about the "Do Not Enter" signs or the "Wrong Way" signs. I know you recognize them and always ask about them. You have such a great sense of direction. I don't know why I would think that while you are so young you wouldn't recognize where we are. It started with a game in the car of "Is that where I live?". We would joke as we got close that we lived in different buildings, trees or even cars. One of us will ask a if we live in some random spot and the other will laugh and say, "Noooo" as if we know we are being so silly to even suggest such a thing. We went to a grocery store today and you said when we parked. "What is this grocery?" We don't usually go to this one but we go to like three different ones usually so I didn't think going from a norm would matter. But you noticed right away. You even noticed during our route there and said, "Momma? Where are you taking me?". Slowly the word "baby" is going away. You have spoken about yourself as "baby" and not used "me" and now that is slowly changing and you can use "me" as a reference to yourself.

Your favorite toys right now are still trucks. You are amazing with puzzles. You can pretty much do any puzzle by yourself the first time. You love to play in the sink or tub. You can spend so much time doing either of those things. You have taken to TV. There are definitely shows you love to watch and will ask for them now. I have tried so hard to keep you from much TV. You are just so aware now that you know it is available. Dada and I still limit your TV viewing to 1-2 shows a day (30 minutes or less). We do on occasion watch a movie as a family now. We have watched a few Disney movies. Your first movie was "Walle". You call it the robot movie. You are fascinated with space and rockets. You see a picture of Earth and will say that is where you live. "Momma, that is Earth. Evan lives there".

Preschool started this month. You go everyday M-F but only for 3 hours. You are within steps of my studio door and I feel so fortunate that you can be so close to me daily. We drive there together and then when it is time to pick you up I can walk down and get you and we can drive home together.

I love life with you.

Love,
Momma

Favorite Number

E-"Mama what is your favorite number?"
M-"I think tonight it is four. Evan what is your favorite number?"
E- "2", "1" and 5"

Heart Felt

This past week has been huge for my little guy. Just startung preschool has been overwhelming for him and I believe there are many feelings running through his little head. He now says," Mama, I love you" many times a day. It is so heartfelt and loving. It brings tears to my eyes. It is as if he is just realizing the power and feelings behind those words. I love how random it is too. We can be driving down the street and he will say it to me with a smile.

The 3rd Day

I think this day was so hard on Evan. He did not want to leave me for a second. He kept saying, "Mama don't leave me. I love you". It was heartwrenching and so difficult for me to see him struggling. He cried so much and really struggled when I encouraged him to leave me and go see what his "new friends" were doing. At the end of the day, he told me on his way home that he didn't like his teachers. I asked him why and he told me he didn't like the way they sing. He also announced that he didn't like the kids. Yikes. What else is there for the boy to like? I hope this starts going better soon. This is a tough transition.

Little Dolphin

I bought this for E today after his big day starting school. I just got it because I know how much he loves dolphins not even thinking how ironic it was.

Today. The 1st Day of Preschool

Today was huge. Evan took right to going the school. I watched him get overwhelmed by it all but he followed all the other kids as they left "the yellow room" and went to the "purple room" for music and back again to their classroom (the yellow room). E is a "Coyote". The school is amazing and do so much with the kids. I am thrilled to be a part of it but it is so hard to see your baby stepping into this stage of life. He was exhausted once we hit the car but didn't take a nap. Steven is off all week so we get to have some nice time as family as we are all adjusting to our new early schedule and the fact that our little guy is going out of the house for the first time.

Tomorrow-1st Day of Preschool

E starts preschool tomorrow. I have had a bit of mixed emotions the past few days. It has been three years since E was born? I still can't believe how fast this time has flown. I miss our days together walking and adventuring. I wouldn't give up that time with him for anything. I feel very lucky that I had the first 2.5 years with him pretty exclusively and then for the past 8 months to of had M to have E spend his few mornings with her. She has been amazing with him and I hope we keep in touch with her in the years to come. This past week I have had doubts and have thought that maybe I should of waited to start E until next Fall. He would be almost 4 instead of now when he is just 3. I also keep thinking I wish it was a 3 day program and not a 5 day. It just seems like so much for a little guy being the first time away from home. My mind races with should haves and maybes. I just always want to do the right thing by him. He is a treasure and I value his education and his first view of the world so much. I do think I have found a place that is wonderful. A place that shares our vision for learning and freedom. Freedom of life and freedom of thought. A place where I hope that the beginnings of a love for learning with ignite within my little boy and a place where he can build the beginning of an inner strength and confidence that is all his own. I hope for him that he finds great friends and love here and the experiences will bring him great joy.

I love that I can bring him each and everyday and he is only a few doorsteps away from me. Tonight I was talking to E about tomorrow and all that it will bring. I told him that when we wake up in the morning we will get dressed and take him to school. As I was starting to explain more, he stopped me and said, "Go to school now?!". I think he is excited more than I imagined. He is ready. The more I see he is ready and is excited it gives me such peace that this is the right thing for him.