A House

E and I built a house lastnight with his blocks. Evan explained the house to me after it was constructed. "This house has a large blue light at the top sitting between two cameras. These cameras take pics of the moon. The house has three bird baths and one fountain".

Remember

It's interesting because I do this blog so I won't forget anything. Or at least I won't forget as much. The whole concept of "remember" is now real for E. He will say, "I remember that". And he does! He remembers places and things we have done now. He wants to do them again and will suggest them even when it isn't recent history. It could of been a month ago and he will randomly offer for us to go and do an activity we have gone and done.

Bowling

Tonight was your first time. You loved it. You were so good at it and almost beat both M and D! You would roll the ball down the lane and whip around clapping with pride! It was fun to take you to do something entirely new. I love days like today. You didn't want to leave the shoes. You kept asking to take those home!

You also played your first arcade game tonight. It was a racing game of semi-trucks

May 1st 2011

I went to your school today to see the Indian Festival. It was amazing to see you on the stage with all of your class in front of all of these people. You are only three and this school seems to bring such a comfort level out in you. It is amazing to watch you like this. There was all of this chaos between you and me as the performance was on and there you were on stage and I out in the audience. There were dancers and singers. I saw all of this "noise" between us and it made me sad. Sad because I never want too much distance between us. I always want us to be close. It is hard to explain but please know that I love you more than words can say and I always want to be here for you whenever you need me. Life has a way of separating us but you will remain in my heart tomorrow just like you were today. Sitting up on that stage waving at me every few moments and blowing me kisses.

First School Play

Today was your first play at LD. You were magnificent! It was amazing to see you in front of all of these people and look so comfortable and happy. As a zebra, you trotted in with such happiness and ran to the stage. You were all in costume and I was blown away with your presence. I cannot help but feel that this is benefiting you so much. I felt so confident today looking at you as you preformed with your school that you are in the right place. You made your mask and participated in creating your costume. You painted your necklace and are so proud at what you have done. You look at your mask and say, "mama I did that myself".

Favorite Girl

Today E and I went to see his friend Dara at the Firetruck park. Before Dara arrived, E and I had some time to hang out by ourselves. Next to the park is a field that is at the bottom of a huge hill. The hills is covered with pine trees. The hill is very steep and hard to walk down. You either have to walk very slowly or scoot on your bottom down the hill. If you walk, once you get close to the bottom you have to run or you will fall. E loved doing this and we did it together many times. There is grass that covers most of the hill and E enjoyed pulling out some of the grass and throwing it on to my head. At one point, he laid down on the grass and looked up into the trees. He asked me to lay down too. I laid down right next to him and held his hand. We laid that way for a while until he reached over and touched my chest and said, "Momma, you are my favorite girl". I told him he was my favorite boy and he smiled.

Pretty Like Momma

Tonight we were at the beach house together as a family. We had a great time time. The weather is starting to feel like summer. It is lovely. The time changed today so the days are getting longer. E and Dada were running around and finding rolly-pollies. E loves them. E ran up to me and gave me this flower. Steven told me when E first saw the fower he reached for it and he said it was pretty like Momma. I just love him so much!

What the Ocean Eats

I was talking to E about the ocean. He is pretending to be the ocean and is speaking for the ocean. He tells me that the ocean is eating dinner. I asked what is the ocean eating. He replies. "Water".

Watch a Train Mama?

E-"I want to watch trains, Mama".
Me-"Thomas?"
E-"No, a train without a mouth"

The 3rd Day

I think this day was so hard on Evan. He did not want to leave me for a second. He kept saying, "Mama don't leave me. I love you". It was heartwrenching and so difficult for me to see him struggling. He cried so much and really struggled when I encouraged him to leave me and go see what his "new friends" were doing. At the end of the day, he told me on his way home that he didn't like his teachers. I asked him why and he told me he didn't like the way they sing. He also announced that he didn't like the kids. Yikes. What else is there for the boy to like? I hope this starts going better soon. This is a tough transition.

Today. The 1st Day of Preschool

Today was huge. Evan took right to going the school. I watched him get overwhelmed by it all but he followed all the other kids as they left "the yellow room" and went to the "purple room" for music and back again to their classroom (the yellow room). E is a "Coyote". The school is amazing and do so much with the kids. I am thrilled to be a part of it but it is so hard to see your baby stepping into this stage of life. He was exhausted once we hit the car but didn't take a nap. Steven is off all week so we get to have some nice time as family as we are all adjusting to our new early schedule and the fact that our little guy is going out of the house for the first time.

Tomorrow-1st Day of Preschool

E starts preschool tomorrow. I have had a bit of mixed emotions the past few days. It has been three years since E was born? I still can't believe how fast this time has flown. I miss our days together walking and adventuring. I wouldn't give up that time with him for anything. I feel very lucky that I had the first 2.5 years with him pretty exclusively and then for the past 8 months to of had M to have E spend his few mornings with her. She has been amazing with him and I hope we keep in touch with her in the years to come. This past week I have had doubts and have thought that maybe I should of waited to start E until next Fall. He would be almost 4 instead of now when he is just 3. I also keep thinking I wish it was a 3 day program and not a 5 day. It just seems like so much for a little guy being the first time away from home. My mind races with should haves and maybes. I just always want to do the right thing by him. He is a treasure and I value his education and his first view of the world so much. I do think I have found a place that is wonderful. A place that shares our vision for learning and freedom. Freedom of life and freedom of thought. A place where I hope that the beginnings of a love for learning with ignite within my little boy and a place where he can build the beginning of an inner strength and confidence that is all his own. I hope for him that he finds great friends and love here and the experiences will bring him great joy.

I love that I can bring him each and everyday and he is only a few doorsteps away from me. Tonight I was talking to E about tomorrow and all that it will bring. I told him that when we wake up in the morning we will get dressed and take him to school. As I was starting to explain more, he stopped me and said, "Go to school now?!". I think he is excited more than I imagined. He is ready. The more I see he is ready and is excited it gives me such peace that this is the right thing for him.

Robots and Tales

E and I were driving to pick up some last minute holiday food. E asked for some toys to play with on our trip. Scambling to find something in my bag, I noticed a tape measure on the floor of the front seat. "Do you want to play with this tape measure on our way?" I asked. "Yeaaaah" he replies. We were driving down the road when E says from the backseat. "Look Momma, it is a robot with one arm!". I see that he is referring to the tape measure and have to laugh and say, "Wow!". He goes on to tell me it is a friendly robot and a robot that has a tail.

Yesterday, we were in the car waiting for Dada and E see a large building next to us. Look it is a skyscraper! He tells me that his friend lives there and that there is a firehouse there. He said he need to throw them food.

He cracks me up. His imagination is running wild these days. I love talking to him!

Love

Tonight E and I were hiding inside a cardboard box. He was on my lap just resting there. I told him, "Evan, I love you so much". He put his hand on mine and said, "I love you too Mama".

It was the first time he said it in such a way that it came right from his heart too. It was awesome.

Pee Pee on the Toilet!

Tonight Evan went on his toilet for the first time. He was so excited after wards that he ran all around the house. It was adorable. I was thrilled to be there when he did it. As soon as he was finished he said, "Do it again! Do it again, Mama?!" He really gets it. It was on his little face as soon as he looked inside his potty and saw the pee. You could read that he really understood. It was a rewarding night seeing my little baby becoming a big boy.

Music in the Car

As a family we have so much fun listening to satellite radio in the car. E loves it. He will tell me he doesn't like a song or he will ask us if we like a song. If we tell him we like a song he will say, "I like it too, Mama!". He will also dance by shaking himself side-to-side or kicking. It is hysterical.

Yesterday, we were leaving our house, pulling out of the alley when I heard from the back seat, "Turn it up, Mama!". He makes me laugh all day long!

I Don't Want to Forget

There are so many things I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget that when I put you to bed each night you make me promise that I am not going to bed and that Dada is not going to bed. That only you (baby) is going to sleep. I don't want to forget how right now everything I do for you in your eyes is perfect. You want me to do everything for you. I know one day I will fall short but right now I enjoy the love in your eyes for me. I don't want to forget how you phrase your sentences now. You will see something in a book that you have seen in real life like an elephant and you will say "I see that. Real!" Or you will see something and point to it and smile and say "funny!". If I say I like something you will often say, "I like that too!". It is in these sweet sentences that I am getting to know really know you and hear what you are thinking. It is precious to me and I just don't want these phrases to leave my memory or my ears.

Thinking

Tonight I was nursing E. We were both in our own little worlds thinking and enjoying the quiet time together when E looked up at me and said,"Mama what are you thinking?". It was so funny and so genuine. It was the first time he had ever asked me that and I loved it.

A Quick Glance

We have a picture wall full of photos that I have taped one up at a time over the past 2-1/2 years. It is at the dining table and we all love it. We look at those photos everyday. I see Evan looking at it everytime he is eating glancing at all the people in our lives. He will point and name one outloud. I love the wall and seeing those photos each day. It is funny because every now and then a get more than a glimpse. I see a memory and it makes me stop. Then I see two or maybe three or four memories and it reminds me of how fast time is flying by with E. I get tears in my eyes as I see my one day old newborn turn into a 3 month old, turn into a 6 month old who is eating solids for the first time to a 9 month old who is starting to stand.

I look at E now and think how big he is but I remind myself that soon I will look at him as he is now and think how "small" he really is. Tears always start to fall as I grieve for my little guy getting so big and how I have to breathe in everyday because they pass me by too quickly. There is never enough time together.

Hold On Tight. No Drop it.

Since we have been home from St. Barths Evan has slowly been going towards using a real cup. When we were away we only had one sippy cup with us. We ended up offering E a real cup more often than not. We would tell him to becareful and to "hold on tight". His little face would take on our concern and those little hands would take the glass with care and look up at me and say, "hold on tight. no drop it". Tonight I was getting some milk for all of us and I asked if he would like a "mommy glass cup". He said yes. Before our trip he would possibly agree to having one but then say he would like a cap on it. Tonight he sat at the table with us and drank from his big boy cup and you would of never known he ever needed a sippy. There are so many things like this that I am noticing lately that show me he is growing up